


shaken & faint

by orphan_account



Category: Cobra Starship, Gym Class Heroes, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is...
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anorexia, Bipolar Disorder, Bulimia, Depression, Drug Addiction, EDNOS, M/M, Self-Harm, Therapy, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 06:06:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8275462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: is it serious?i'm afraid it is.





	1. heavy heart (prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for most chapters! I've tagged everything that will be in the story, so beware.
> 
> I'd like to say that any illness, physical or mental, is no joke. This story is not written to trivialise the experiences of people who go through these things in their daily lives. 
> 
> If you'd like to talk to me about this story or if you have any questions, feel free to contact me at wxnterpassing.tumblr.com!
> 
> Also, this was originally called Take A Chance but I decided this fit it better and Seed is also the best TAI song so¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

William felt small.  
The hospital gown was itchy against his skin as he shifted in the bed. The heart monitor drummed on, unaffected. He couldn't tell if he was imagining his parents' murmuring outside the door, or if they really were talking to his jackass of a doctor.

He'd been here too long.  
Three weeks had passed and he'd only gained ten pounds. He wasn't the most cooperative, but he'd been working on it. The nurses were kind and patient. It just didn't feel right, not starving himself. 

The door creaked open, Dr. DeLonge stepping in, followed by William's parents. "Alright, William. After discussing your case with your parents, we've decided it be best for you to be moved to a psychiatric hospital here in Chicago." He said, his eyes boring into William's.

William felt a rush of nausea instantly. "A psychiatric hospital?" He repeated, hearing his own voice crack. His parents were giving him their best sympathetic expressions.

"You'll be with more kids your age, going through the same experiences. You're healthy enough to be out of here, but you need monitored." Dr. DeLonge continued, looking down at his clipboard. 

Dr. DeLonge continued speaking, but William couldn't hear anything. A _psychiatric hospital_. He wasn't that ill, he never had been. He shouldn't have even been here. He weighed 125 pounds when he came in; they told him 170 was his target weight. While that thought itself was sickening, he was at 135, which was only a little bit underweight. Technically. 

It was all too much for his head.

"Is that okay, William?" His mother prompted, jolting him out of his thoughts. "You're eighteen, you can always choose not to go." She added, but her eyes said ' _please_.

"I can go, it's okay." William replied before he could argue with himself. His parents seemed relieved. He felt anything but.


	2. dear percocet

"What are you in for?"

"I think it's obvious."

The nurse smiled, shaking his head. "I don't like to make assumptions, though." He answered, looking down at his clipboard. He was young, with reddish hair and blue eyes behind black frames. He was short, kind of chubby, and had a sweet face. He had introduced himself as Patrick, and he was responsible for all incoming patients.

"Anorexia nervosa and anxiety disorder." William answered. He hated saying it. He didn't feel like he had an issue with either.

The psychiatric hospital was nice, at least. It was well-lit and open, a sharp contrast to what William had expected. It wasn't like something out of a horror film. People walked around, nurses and patients alike, and it was okay. It was going to be okay.

Patrick was nodding, scribbling on his paper. "Alright. Let's get you settled in, and tomorrow morning will be your first group therapy session." He said finally, looking up at William.

William faked his best smile. Group therapy.

\- - -

That evening, he met his roommate. 

Ryan Ross was bulimic, had been in for two weeks, and had huge brown eyes. He was too skinny (but who was William to judge?), looked kind of sallow, but he seemed nice. William wondered if that's what _he_ looked like to everyone else. 

Ryan sat on his bed and watched as William moved his few belongings around the room. "Bulimic, too?" Ryan asked, voice soft. His hands were folded in his lap, his eyes showing a little bit of curiousity.

William shook his head. "Anorexia. I made myself vomit once, it scared me too much." He answered, trying not to think about Ryan with his fingers down his throat. 

Ryan nodded, smiled a little. "It hurts a lot, I don't blame you." He replied slowly. "How long have you been doing this?"

"A little over a year. No one really noticed until it got to be too much for me. I told my parents. They cried a lot and I was taken to the hospital for treatment, just got moved here." William explained, making his bed. "You?"

"Six months. I admitted myself here after I threw up blood too many times." Ryan replied casually, watching William cringe. "It's not really different than starving yourself, yeah?" He continued, looking William over. "You're so skinny, even after hospital treatment."

William thought Ryan sounded sad, maybe wistful. He shook his head again. "I wish." He responded. He knew he wasn't, not anymore. He was getting to his target weight when he told his parents, ruining his plans. It was like there was two voices in his head: Anorexia and Reality. Reality got the better of him then, but not so much now. He felt ill at the prospect of eating again.  
Ryan was tiny. William wanted to be tiny.

Ryan sighed, feeling too similar.

\- - - 

Ryan woke William at 7AM to go see Patrick and have their vitals checked. Patrick smiled a lot, asked William how he slept, all that stuff. It didnt feel patronising; Patrick was very honest. He was already growing on William.

"There's breakfast in the cafeteria, but I'd suggest you stay in the day room to eat." Patrick said to William, taking his temperature. "It's a bit better for you to get adjusted."

"Okay," William said when Patrick pulled the thermometer out of his mouth. "Where's the day room?"

Patrick smiled, one that lit up his eyes. "I'll get ya there." He replied, leading William out of the little office. Ryan followed close behind, breaking apart when they turned left into the day room.

It looked a lot like a living room, with couches and chairs and a coffee table and a TV suspended on the wall. It was void of people aside from a boy sat in the rocking chair in a ball, a book two centimeters from his face.

"Mikey, why aren't you at breakfast?" Patrick asked, a little huffy. William figured this wasn't the first conversation they'd had like this.

The boy, Mikey, looked up. He shut the book and stretched out in his chair like a cat, sighing. "I can't eat." He replied, standing up. He was thin and sort of tall, with light brunette hair and rectangular glasses perched on the tip of his nose. He seemed a little older than William. 

"Why?" Patrick prompted, pushing his glasses up.

"I think I'd throw up. It's not an eating day." Mikey said, vaguely argumentative. Another eating disorder kid. At leat William understood what he meant by 'not an eating day'.

Patrick's expression softened. "Alright. Go to the cafeteria, at least. Talk to Andy, he'll help." He instructed.

Mikey huffed but took Patrick's advice, leaving the day room without a fuss. Patrick shook his head. "That's Mikey. He has EDNOS, and he's a little...uncooperative still."

William could tell. "Do only people with eating disorders come here?" He asked.

"No, only you three are even in this wing. You'll be put in therapy group B with Ryan and Mikey, though, as you guys can kinda relate to each other." Patrick explained.

William didn't reply, sitting down as Ryan returned, two plates of food in hand. He sat beside William, handing him one. "Are you okay?" He asked.

William nodded, watching Patrick scribble something on his clipboard. He tended to do that. "I will be." William answered, smiling at Ryan.

\- - -

Group therapy was run by Dr. Suarez, a well-dressed young man who William presumed was liscensed to do this. He had a therapist-in-training with him, Brendon. Brendon couldn't be older than William, and he smiled and laughed a lot. He also wore these really ugly red rectangle glasses. William kind of hated them.

"How's everyone doing today?" Dr. Suarez asked, glancing around the room. They were allowed to sit or stand anywhere they wanted; Dr. Suarez didn't really care for strict rules. "I see a new face here, which is great! Should we go around the room and introduce ourselves, say how long we've been here, and what for?" He posed it as a question, but it was more of a statement. Everyone sorta nodded. "Alright. I'm Dr. Suarez, but you can call me Alex. I was an alcoholic for a few years before I came here and got help. I loved the place so much, I stayed. And as you can see, I'm still here!" He grinned, then nodded at Brendon.

Brendon was more than happy to start talking. "I'm Brendon and I've been training under Alex for two months now. I also have ADHD, so it's really nice to be here."

"I'm Pete, I've been here six months for bipolar and depression." The person beside Brendon said. He was cross-legged on the ground. Black hair was in a choppy fringe across his face and he had on a striped jumper that William really liked.

Mikey from earlier was next to Pete, his legs stretched out in front of him and his right hand on Pete's leg. He'd been here only three months.

Ryan spoke up next, on William's right. "I'm Ryan, I've been here for two weeks because I make myself throw up." He said bluntly. William watched Alex make a face at him.

William felt anxiety build up in his chest as everyone looked at him, waiting for him to speak. _He_ was the new one, not them. They all knew each other. "I'm-I'm William. I have anorexia nervosa and anxiety disorder. Um, this is my sec-c-cond day here." He said slowly, looking down at his lap. No one answered, until it went to the next person in the circle.

Travie was taller than William and had tattoos everywhere. "-been here a month for drugs. Opiods and shit." He said casually, like it wasn't a big deal. William relaxed. Travie seemed like the kind of person you could relax around.

The last person in the group was a tall, tan boy. He was lean and had pretty brown eyes and curly black hair, and really straight white teeth. "I'm Gabe Saporta and I'm an alcoholic. Or, well, I used to be. Well, I kind of still am. I also used to cut myself. But I'm currently not doing any of that anymore. Six months clean, actually." He explained, smile unfaltering. His eyes fell on William and William smiled back.

\- - -

People were complex. William was very quickly learning that 'group therapy' was absolute chaos. Essentially, Alex told everyone to talk about how they feel. And everyone does, all at once, to each other (and to themselves, maybe, if no one will listen). Every once in awhile, Alex would direct the conversation flow to certain topics, like goals for the day. William kept his mouth shut, except for when Ryan prompted him to talk.

Pete and Gabe talked the most, quite frequently. Mikey watched the disaster with a calculating expression. Travie and Ryan didn't talk unless someone said something that interested them. Brendon was really loud when he chose to speak up. It was mayhem. William was sort of enjoying it.  
It felt more like home than home ever did.


End file.
